Tomorrow, for the first time in six years, a vote concerning whether or not Cullman, AL should go wet will be on the midterm ballot.  I've got words about that, but first of all, let me say that this should not be everyone's incentive to vote in the midterms.  It's like I feel good inside that so many people are going to vote, but it's bittersweet in that most of them wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't for this momentous decision our small town faces.

For one, I'd already made my mind up that I would be voting before I knew that the wet/dry vote would even be on the ballot.  I'm a little ashamed of all of you for not making the same kind of commitment to participate in our legislative system without the temptation of booze around the corner.  This is how our government works: we go vote for the people who stand for our causes, they potentially get elected because of the support of voters, and they go on to run portions of our government at various levels.  You have no right to bitch about how the country is going down the crapper or such-and-such politician's suckery if you didn't even vote.

Alright, on to the main issue.  I just want to throw a few facts out there about the history of this sort of vote in the city of Cullman.  The entire population of Cullman is 81,778, according to the 2009 census results posted on the official Cullman website.  From what I can gather elsewhere on the internet, in 2004, we had 49,000 registered voters.  Now, I am absolutely positive that that number has gone up due to the last presidential election.  The first time Cullman voted about whether or not to go wet was in 1984, at which time it was voted down by a measly 159 votes.  In the most recent vote in 2004, the legal sale of alcohol was voted down by a majority vote of 54%, which was only 573 votes!  Those numbers are so minuscule it hurts.  I know that if people get off their duffs and vote this time, it will most definitely pass.

Well, wait... do we want it to pass?  I know everyone who knows me probably would guess that I was prepared to vote yes right away, but believe it or not, I thought long and hard about my decision.  While I decided in the affirmative, it is always good to consider what might be at stake instead of blindly charging in with torches when we hear something that rallies us (i.e. "The War on Terror").

There are a lot of reasons one might want to vote no, a lot of perfectly logical reasons, and if anyone chooses to vote no for these reasons, I do not blame them.  After all, I had a hard time deciding too.  Alcohol is inherently dangerous.  It has its benefits to communities, and it can be just fine for people who have a handle on themselves and their vices.  However, Cullman, like it or not, has a large portion of rednecks living right outside the city limits.  It's like a time machine back to domestic-violence-on-the-cow-farm-land to go past that little sign with the mansion and the German welcome.  It's spit-in-a-cup, beat-your-wife-tastic.  I know that plenty of you will agree that rednecks and uneducated hicks don't have the good common sense it takes to exercise self-control, let alone anger management.  Add bars to the mix, and all that crawls out of that human cesspool to start a bar brawl and piss on your stoop.

Yes, I've no doubt the crime rate would increase, but I must say that only the number of reported crimes would increase (resulting in a "crime rate increase").  This is a backwoods, hicksy place, and I know everyone that lives here knows that there are copious amounts of unreported violences perpetrated upon unlucky housewives and children by raging drunkards every day.  The only change would be that this comes out of the home a little, steps out of the kitchen and the back bedroom, if you will.

As it stands, those backwoods drunks are going to get their alcohol somewhere, and that somewhere will be either Arab or Warrior.  This forces them to drive a longer distance, potentially drinking on the way back, and to give all the cash they earned as chicken-catchers and asbestos-installers to another community.  Those kinds of people are going to drink no matter what we do.  Granted, they might not commit their crimes where we can see at the moment, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  Maybe if all that mess spills onto our streets something will be done, because frankly, this feigned ignorance business makes me sick.

Since we've moved toward the benefits, let's take a look at those.  Right now, a developer has approached Cullman with a proposal that will not go through until after this vote.  We're going to get a new development project with new businesses that will bring new jobs.  I've noticed that some people have seen signs that mention the businesses that hinge on this vote and said, "What in the world does Old Navy have to do with liquor?"  I wondered this myself.  Apparently, if Cullman goes wet, this development project will give us a 500,000 square foot shopping center full of businesses like Red Lobster and Old Navy.  However, if Cullman stays dry, the size of this development will be halved to 250,000 square feet.  Also, no restaurants have agreed to sign on with the development plan at all until this vote is through.  Why?  Because restaurants and grocery stores get over 20% of their profits from alcohol sales.

Also, one must think of the taxes coming from this, taxes that will help our schools and fix our crappy roads (ex. the right lane of 31 South going past Regions and Sticks n' Stuff).  Not only will we be receiving the regular 8.5% tax on alcohol sales but sin tax, or fat tax, as well.  It is estimated that in the first year alone, we would earn $4 million in additional revenue from taxes to help keep our aging infrastructure up and running and give children in Cullman county schools all the advantages.

At first, I didn't think that the county schools would benefit from any of this tax, but as it turns out, that additional $4 million would be divided evenly among all the municipalities in the county.  This means that disadvantaged county schools would get a much-needed boost from all this.

Again I say, no matter how you vote, get out and vote tomorrow.  Even though the rest of the world may not care, the future of one small town hinges on this decision.