What are these fails that I speak of? Grammatical fails, of course! Sometimes when I'm surfing Facebook, I just have to facepalm (badum tss). I am way too passive to correct people outright or tell them to their faces that I can't take them seriously when they fail so hard at the language they speak. However, I am just aggressive enough to blog about it. I have made it my civic duty to hide the identities of the offenders, present these fails to the public, and correct them for entertainment. Keeping people anonymous allows us to laugh at the durr while no one gets hurt. And if you do just so happen to see something that you yourself wrote, remember that it's all in fun!
Here we go, folks!
Okay, so he typed it on his phone, let's cut him some slack. WRONG. The fact that he typed it on his phone is NO EXCUSE. He typed it, looked it over, and said to himself, "This is suitable for presenting to the public without any need for correction whatsoever." Tsk tsk. And whenever I see the kind of blatant Engrish that is tacked on the end of this status, I can't help but picture someone with their eyes drifting languidly in opposite directions while they mouth-breathe. That is a poor impression to leave indeed!
Corrected: To all of my family and true friends: Have a safe and wonderful 4th!
Not as upset as this grammar makes me. Looks like this person got a little lost somewhere between Subject/Verb Agreement-land and Demonstrative Pronoun-town. And just because a word ends in s doesn't make it automatically plural. While "witness is" would have been correct, "witnesses is" is definitely not.
Corrected: These witnesses for the Trayvon Martin trial are really making me upset!
Stellar news, young delinquent! I am so glad someone is going to help you to stop standing on your ankle bracelet; that should make life much easier for you. I mean, that is what you meant, right (all ridiculous punctuation aside)?
Corrected: Today is a good day. Next Friday, I'm having my ankle monitor taken off, yay!
Corrected: Watching Dark Shadows, about (or 'bout) to lay down. Glad I get to spend the day with my girl tomorrow. Happy birthday, baby.
I suppose I could give this artistic license and assume that he means for each period to mean a dramatic pause... OR NOT. The comma is actually the traditional and punctually correct way of indicating dramatic pause, even if a comma isn't necessarily appropriate there for anything other than artistic and expressionistic emphasis on the pause, as evidenced in plenty of classic literature. And I will also allow this use of ya'll, as I think it is an under appreciated contraction.
Corrected: If ya'll go for a walk, and her sneakers still light up, she's too young for you, bro.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this first installment of Facebook Fails, and don't forget that I'm always looking for submissions! If you see your friends typing some just plain goofy crap on a public forum, do not hesitate to screenshot it and send it to me via my Facebook fan page. Don't worry, I will protect them from ridicule by blotting out faces and names. Happy Grammar Nazi-ing!